Can you stay friends after a divorce?

Can you stay friends after a divorce?

It is not unknown that if you share a child, a couple is bound together for life.  And If you have gone through a divorce, can you navigate a friendship? Of course you can, but it won’t be easy.

Regardless of what caused your split, you will need to come to a truce if for no other reason than to present a united front for your child.

Let things advance slowly

Remember you that you have to let your friendship develop. This is especially important if the split is new. Give it some time.

Leave the past alone

You know how to push each other’s buttons. You know that you both have issues you would rather not discuss. Don’t bring this up because this cold create the kind of divide that no friendship can bridge.

Don’t pester each other

If you have a reached an agreement, leave it alone and move on. Do not under any circumstances engage in an “I told you so” situation.  If you need to keep things light in ever conversation, do so.

Stick to the details

You don’t have to engage in a long drawn out conversation every time. If you talk too long, it is a possibility that you will discuss and argue over the things that caused your breakup in the first place.

Compromise is key

The most important reason the two of you are still  friends is the good of your children.  Decisions that you make must be agreed upon if you are to  support each other as parents. This means that you will have to compromise with each other. Pick your battles. The most important thing is that your children stay safe and happy.

Clarity

No matter what your children are planning, make sure you both know the main plan. Make sure you both understand the specific details.

Listen

Be a sounding board for each other.  You both know what your children’s needs and quirks are, so you know what is enraging and vexing. You can listen to each other with compassion and support each other.

Don’t try to go it alone

Don’t be a martyr; you don’t have to be a single parent.  Ask for help from your ex if you need it.

Include each other

If you include your ex in events in your child’s life, chances are good that they will offer to help, and will include you when it is their turn to host events.

Keep personal matters personal.

If you begin a relationship with someone, keep it to yourself. It’s not appropriate or necessary to bring them into you life in this way.

Plan time with each other, with and without the kids

If you take the kids for doughnuts on Sunday’s, invite your ex on occasion, This shows your children that you can be courteous around each other. Another way to make this more normal is to invite your ex for coffee from time to time.

Keep it G-rated

If you are working on a friendship, don’t fall into bed with each other.  It might be tempting, especially if neither of you is involved with someone else.

No guilt zone

Let go of any negativity you may have that is associated with your break up.  This can definitely prevent you from forming a friendship. Remind yourself that your priority together is the children. Your goal is to provide a stable life for your children Having a civil and productive relationship with each other while help them form quality relationships as adults. Remember that a divorce doesn’t have to decimate your family.

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