One of the hardest events we go through is divorce but once we overcome it we decide to date again.
Therefore, how can you know you’re on the right track when you’re just getting back? Below are 15 important steps to follow:
- YOU SHOULD BE PSYCHOTICALLY OPTIMISTIC ABOUT LOVE
Psychotic optimism means “Love will come to me- it’s a WHEN, not an IF. I’m in it to win it, not in it for a minute.” This is my philosophy of love that I am spreading to every person who is willing to give a listening ear.
- HEAL FIRST BEFORE YOU GET BACK INTO THE FIELD OF DATING
For you to find a healthy relationship you need to make peace with your past. Understand well what went wrong in your previous relationship and what made your marriage fail.
Good decisions aren’t made when you start dating before healing. Always attend counseling classes; they will help you in your healing process.
- CREATE A MARRIAGE MAP
Are you able to identify how a new, good and happy relationship looks like? We human beings are creatures of manners. Instead of doing what’s right we do what we are comfortable with.
Therefore, if let’s say you are in a relationship with a narcissist, without having any idea how a narcissist behaves in the beginning, you are likely to find yourself singing along to the tune.
Don’t choose the same kind of individuals over and over again; it is only through making peace with your past that you’ll be able to choose good people. Through a marriage map, I am able to coach my clients on how to create a road map of a soul mate who can make them happy and this essential as it will make them start locating the right individuals.
- ENGAGE IN ACTIVITIES THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY
You can locate 10 things that make you happy and start doing them. I usually ask women this question. “what makes you happy?” they are always unable to answer this because they spent time taking care of other individuals around them that they can’t even engage in activities that make them happy.
- DEVELOP YOUR “DATING VILLAGE”
It’s hard to date after divorce, therefore, you need people around you to keep you inspired, on toes and motivated. These people can be your family members, relatives or even neighbors.
You can as well engage a counselor to help you realize your dreams if you don’t want to engage a lot of people. You should only interact with people who will lift you up rather than bringing you down.
- KNOW THAT CHARACTER AND COMPATIBILITY GO HAND IN HAND
Let chemistry develop between you and your partner after you have a road map of a partner you desire. This can take years or months. After that, you can locate the inner virtues that are essential like honesty, consistency, reliability, and kindness.
Then ask yourself if you think you are compatible with each other and if this person is ready to accept you the way you are. You should also know whether you have similar tastes of things and are on the same page.
- BE AWARE OF THE FACT THAT YOUR SOUL MATE WILL EVENTUALLY COME TO YOU BUT UNEXPECTEDLY
Acknowledge people of different looks. Be attracted to them regardless of their physical features. You can, however, be open-minded to your ideal person.
- DO THINGS THE RIGHT WAY ONLINE
Start posting your photos online. I mean your photos only, no kids or grandkids or even friends.
- DON’T PUT ALL YOUR EXPECTATIONS ON ONE PERSON
We frequently feel like we need to date one individual at a time as women. This is, however, a very big mistake. Dating should be like a horse racing competition. May the best horse win and by dating I mean vetting them not sleeping or hooking up with them.
- MEET PEOPLE WHO YOU THINK ALIKE
Meet those individuals who engage in activities that you desire. By doing so you’ll be having a comeback. You’ll start making new friends and eventually begin new dating connections.
- BE CONTROL WHEN TEXTING
Although texting is okay, too much of it can lead to premature intimacy. If you have a feeling somebody is texting you a lot you can suggest to have a phone chat instead. Talking and spending together is the best way to know someone.
- “SEX CLUSIVITY” SHOULD BE PRACTICED
You should be “exclusive” feel good and secure in your new relationship. Although sex is great, it shouldn’t be practiced too early in the relationship as this might lead to the death of the relationship.
There are spouses who’ve had sex early in the relationship and it turned into a happy marriage but those are very few. You should wait until you’re exclusive.
- HAVE AN IDEA OF HOW A GOOD DATING TRAJECTORY LOOKS LIKE
An exclusive relationship is defined by how many times you meet and go out on dates. Be aware that rushing with things is not okay. Love will eventually die if you keep rushing with things.
- YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE
You cannot change another person. You can only change yourself and the other person will change only if he or she wishes.
- BE PATIENT
Patience is very important. There are days you’ll feel low and frustrated. Know that dating is a process that doesn’t require speed. Regardless of the obstacles that might come your way, keep your head up and keep going.