Unrequited love is only satisfying when you get to enjoy it on the screen with a big bowl of popcorn. But in reality, loving someone so fully only to see them fail to return your affection can be soul crushing.
Here are six methods you can implement today to train yourself to avoid this devasting pain:
- Heal from rejection
Heartbreak can be experienced in mental, physical, and even spiritual pain. Take a breath and know your biological heart is still structurally fine. Take time to be kind to your body to ease any of the physical discomfort you might be experiencing this will soothe your overtaxed mind-body connection. As you practice loving kindness to yourself your emotional wounds will also begin to heal.
- Lean on loved ones
The social psychologist Roy Baumeister, 98% of people have faced unrequited love. Even though you feel lonely, you aren’t alone. Try to step pass your feels of shame, sadness or guilt to see your true worth.
Instead of sitting on the couch and binging food, drink or technology, pick up the phone and make a plan to see a loved one. Talking with someone else might help you see why this was not the right time or person for you to find romantic love. They can help you identify the key questions you need to ask yourself for self-growth and peace.
- Do you have a pattern of unhealthy love?
For some people there can be a pattern of falling in love with wrong people. This is especially true of individuals with a history of insecure childhood attachment, which arises when adults were seen as unreliable at the key moments of youth. This is vastly different than a parent not caving into their child’s every whim, but instead being unavailable to support a child during moments of trauma.
Begin by asking yourself how often you fall in love with people that reject you. Honestly, consider if you are experience an unhealthy pattern. If so, you might be subconsciously seeking someone who can “save us” from our painful childhood memories, but instead end up reinforcing feelings of abandonment and unworthiness.
- Did you really love that person?
Ask yourself objectively if you really loved the person of it was infatuation. Try to learn the difference between a crush and sincere love, and you can save yourself a whole heap of pain.
- Understand you might not be only person hurting now
There is scientific evidence that unrequited love can hurt the intended partner as well. Baumeister found a study of over 200 incidents of unrequited love shows “rejecters” faced immense guilt and anxiety to the point they felt like they were victims of an unfortunately situation. Baumeister stated people stated things like, “I never hurt anyone before” and how guilty they felt about not being able to love the person back.
- Find acceptance
You need to find peace that this person was not the right one. Look at this no, as one step closer to finding your romantic YES!